Going back home
- By: Brikene Bunjaku
Going back home is not always easy, but sometimes home calls us back to remind us of the people that we were and those we have become.
Going back home evokes various emotion in people. Some find comfort in the thought of returning to a place which nurtured them. Others are filled with dread at the thought of dealing with old ghosts.
This summer I came back home. My home is not in a country that is nurturing. My memories are not of a happy careless childhood. When I think of home and childhood, I think of war. I think of loss and pain. I think of a childhood that was no childhood. Going back home filled me with dread. Going back home to the place of my childhood, where my family and friends are, comforted me. Being back home where my family and friends are suffocates me. And so I alternate between comfort and pain, feeling light and feeling weighed down, feeling accepted and rejected, loved and judged.
There is a reason we need a break from home. We need to distance ourselves to see clearly what we cannot see when we are in the eye of the hurricane. Distance to strengthen ourselves to withstand the daily onslaught of demands and selfishness. However, after eight years away, I have come to realize that the line between distance and running away is very thin.
So I came back home and stop running away. My home called me back. I believe it thinks I am strong enough now to brave the waves waiting to sweep me, and survive too. It is not easy trusting my strength. Trusting that there is still a place back home for me after abandoning it for so long. Neglecting it and avoiding it. But my home wants me here and it is terrifying me. Thrilling me and inviting me to test my well-earned strength. My home wants me to face the ghosts and let them rest so I can rest myself.
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Brikene Bunjaku is a world traveller. Not exactly enthusiastic about moving so often, but has learned to surrender to destiny. She has moved back to her home in Kosovo, after more than eight year living abroad. Brikene has a son who keeps her grounded and on her toes.