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Counselling - Is It True That Men Don't Feel?
Author : Chris Keenan
Men appear to have little interest in the topic of feelings and women can't seem to get enough of it. That's how most men "feel." Regardless, the topic is a difficult one for men and women to constructively engage in. Both sides may want a deeper understanding of what their mate thinks and feels about the topic, but their biology and social conditioning often gets in the way.
At the end of a difficult day for both individuals, a married couple comes together. There was lots of problems and things didn't go smoothly. For most women, talking about the challenges she faced during the day is what she'd like to do. Most men want to forget about their challenges at the end of a hard day.
It's as a result of this typical situation that women often feel slighted by their husbands. All they're trying to do is spend some quality time connecting with him. When a woman trys to connect with her man in order to share information about her problems, he seems to shut her out. Why don't men show their feelings? Doesn't he care about me?
What's going on here?
Being alone is a woman's greatest fear. Her greatest desire is for connection, or intimacy. As a result, if she has a choice between sharing no news or sharing bad news, she will usually choose to share bad news. She wants to get a sense from her husband that she is not alone in the challenges she faces, that they are facing them together.
Being incompetent is a man's greatest fear. The ability to be responsible is his greatest desire. He wants to be able to respond and have the ability to stand on his own two feet. He can end up feeling that he is failing his wife if he is to share with her the things that didn't go well for him during the day.
Strangely enough, some of the husbands with the strongest loving dedication to their wives and children have the greatest difficulty sharing their challenges with them. They are trying to protect their loved ones and not burden them with the problems they face. This desire of wanting to protect the family from harm is admirable and should be commended. It does have a dark side though because it doesn't allow a man to recieve his wife's insights and support.
A husband's ability to provide for and protect his family has been his primary role for most of recorded history. His ability to open up emotionally and share his feelings in a constructive manner with his wife wasn't a defining trait in what made him a successful husband. His ability to endure hardships at work and in battle to ensure the family's welfare is what was most important in defining his accomplishments as a husband and father. Although expectations regarding marriage and intimacy have changed over the last couple generations, the stoic male warrior is still a primary role men are conditioned for.
Author's Resource Box
Chris Keenan is regularly interviewed on radio and is the founder of http://www.easyrelationshiphelp.com - The home of low cost - risk free relationship help. Get your free copy of How to Prevent Your Relationship From Losing Value at http://www.easyrelationshiphelp.com
Article Source:
Articlebliss
Tags: counselling, counseling, cognitive therapy, relationship counselling, relationship counseling, marriage counselling, marriage counseling, counsellor, men and relationships
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Submitted : 2010-09-02 Word Count : 1 Popularity: 121